Misadventures: My Life In Motion

I’m staring at Tuesday, yes, Tuesday.  Today is Tuesday and I’m staring at it.

I don’t know exactly why I’ve been feeling so stuck.  While everything that has been happening in my life and around me and through the world is overwhelming, I’m not spinning my wheels.  I’m not just treading water.  I’m actually moving forward, so I am not stuck.  Despite knowing this in my head I feel I am.

I’m not sure if it’s so much depression or the weight of the decisions I’ve made regarding my living situation.  I know that making those decisions and deciding that enough was enough, no more games has taken a lot off my shoulders.

But at the same time I still feel that nagging sense of something is still going wronge.

So I prayed, I came into work early with a car pool instead of trying to hobble up the hill on my knee, watched the 700 club and the CBN world news which I do everyday.  I watched some mindless reality TV, texted back and forth with my boyfriend who’s flying home this evening from California (I don’t like planes…) and I am reassured by my faith and love for him, God and Christ and those around me, yet I still feel stuck.

And then I open “Good Morning Lord”  and see “Today I will, with faith, however shaky, in your love for me and in your healing power, reach out and touch the hem of your garment.”

and I sat back and realized that while I know the presence of God and Christ in my life, that they’re here in my life that I haven’t reached out and touched them in a very long time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still studying, I’m still working through my Step Study, I’m still reading my Bible and praying for those I care about, but how long has it been since I reached out with blind courage and obedience and just touched them.

How long has it been since I’ve claimed words of power and believed that what I pray is possible?

The answer… too long. 

I know if I reach out that God will do amazing works in me and through me, and if it all comes down to love, why am I so afraid to do it?

The answer:  I’m afraid my will will not align with his.

And in only a few short moments the fogginess in my head melts away and I understand that I need to reach out and “touch” God and “touch” Jesus everyday. 

So I did.

I pray that you do the same.

I’m here before you today, praying on my hands and knees for Baby Annabelle.  We were so excited and so very thankful for the miracle of her new heart and watched in tears of joy as she finally began to grow.

Lord, Annabelle is in the hospital again tonight.  She has pnumonia and needs to have part of her intestine resected as it stoped funtioning and she’s struggling.  Her lungs are wet and our hearts are breaking for her.

Please reach out to her tonight comfort her so that she may rest and heal before her next surgery.  Please comfort her mother, her father and her sisters as they suffer with her.

Please reach out to those who are there to pray for her and place the need to pray for her on their hearts so that we can all lift her and her family up to you tonight.

 http://reflectionsbykrista.blogspot.com/

I would never have known the love and power of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.  Thank you God for my struggles, my pain and my fears, even though I may not like tham very much.

Headlines bring frightening news the remind us of the times and state our world has found itself in.  If you are struggling and find yourself having trouble adjusting, coping, accepting, frightened or in need of someone to just listen there are those out there who will pray with you, for you and do honestly love you as a Brother or Sister in Christ.

Post your prayer requests to http://pray4merequest.tumblr.com/

Post your prayer request to KLove http://www.klove.com/ministry/prayer/prayer-request.aspx

Call CBN’s prayer line: 1-800-759-0700

Contact operation Reach Out: http://us.reachout.com/

Remember, no matter who you are, or where you are, that you are not alone.

He can break any yoke that you have allowed to be placed around your neck and lead you forward to a life of hope and abundance even when suffering is your pathway to peace.

I thank you today for the wonderful Godly man you have brought into my life, for my friends who I love and support as best I am able, for my family that I hold dear and my puppy that snuggles up with me at night and sometimes wakes me up by pressing a cold nose to my cheek.

I thank you for every soldier who has sacrificed to fight for my freedom and I thank you for every moment I still draw breath.

I thank you for your Son who you not only gave so that we may live and know you, but also freely gave His life so that I might live.

Here I am, hiding out in the air conditioning at work, thankful that the inside lights are off and I’m near the sky light.  I know that my brain has been on over drive, processing way too much lately.  I think I know what God wants me to do with my life, and I’m trying, and struggling. 

I tried for a long time to get settled into school and only find myself without the drive for it.

And now it’s summer.  Texas is over 100 degrees every day and I wonder what exactly God is calling me to do with my so called life.  People ask me, well what do you think Jesus would do and my response is “he’d ask God the Father” and the hardest part about asking God is that he doesn’t always answer the way we want him to.  His mysterious scary ways often don’t have definitive resounding yes or no, even after delving into his word.

I know that through all my hair brained crazy adventures that there’s been one thing that’s remained constant.

I’ve always wanted to write.

It comes back to writing and God.

Accept this time it isn’t a yearning to finish some crazy Sci-Fi adventure which leaves my characters questioning God, it’s Finding Lulu, a book I outlined two summers ago when my evenings after work were spent at Barnes and nobles tapping away at my mini.

While I could definitely use without the frequent Barnes and Nobles trips, I could definitely use a space in my new place that would be just for writing and studying and quiet time.  I think it’s time to get my laptop up and running, even if it’s just for writing.  I have a desktop for gaming. ^^

So I need a lithium ion battery and a new adapter…. good news is that Asus still makes my laptop over a year and a half later.  So parts shouldn’t be that hard to come by.

I think this is a positive direction.  I’m going to have to get working on that Finding Lulu outline again.  Maybe I’ll start a tumblr just for that.

Today was amazing.  I made it out of Genesis and even spent some time with my other half.  Exhaustion is settling in though and I have an early work event tomorrow.  So tonight, I tell you about the day 2 of 30 challenge, How have I changed in the last two years.

Two years ago I wouldn’t recognize me.  My walk with Christ had just begun and my faith was week.  My mouth was full of inappropriate words and I was surrounded by things and people that with the exception of a select few, now would make me uncomfortable.

I can tell you that I’ve learned to forgive myself, I’ve forgiven the Marine, and my parents as well.  I’ve seen death and life and know that with a certainty, for the first time in my life instead of asking God to take me away, I’m reminded that of the lyrics to a Matisyahu song One Day

sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I’m breathing
then I pray
don’t take me soon
cause I am here for a reason
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play

I believe I am here for a reason now, I believe I’ve survived all I’ve survived for a reason, and I am grateful for each moment I have.

Grateful.

That thing where I thank God each and every day for each breath he allows me to have.

That thing where I’m grateful I’ve had my own miracles and am thriving again as best I can under his love.

Maybe it’s not a big deal to many of you, but seeing the glass as full, even when it’s half full or empty.. means it’s always full of something.

I’m going to stop babbling.

Maybe some of you have noticed that I’ve changed as well.

Time to finish my sammich and get some more reading done for my Old Testament Survey class.